Have you ever noticed how quickly anger flares when someone hurts you? How fast your heart shuts down and your mind fills with reasons to stay mad, stay distant, stay guarded? Hatred is effortless—it rushes in like a storm.
Forgiveness, though? That takes work. Real, emotional, gut-deep work.
So why is hatred easy, and forgiveness hard? Let’s explore.
1. Hatred Is Instinctual. Forgiveness Is Intentional.
When we’re wronged, our survival instincts kick in. Our brain goes into defense mode, shouting, “Protect yourself!” Hatred gives us armor—it says, “You’re safe now. Just stay angry.” It’s automatic.
But forgiveness? That’s not instinct. It’s a choice. One we have to make over and over again. It asks us to take down the walls we built in pain. To look someone in the eye and say, “You hurt me, but I won’t let that wound define me.”
After a painful breakup, Hema found herself stewing in resentment. It made her feel powerful, at first. But it also made her bitter. One day, she wrote a letter—not to reconcile, but to forgive. It took all her strength to send it. But afterward, she felt free. Like she had taken her life back.
2. Hatred Feeds the Ego. Forgiveness Humbles It.
Hatred says, “You’re right. They’re wrong.” It places us on a pedestal, fueled by moral outrage. The ego loves that—it feels strong, invincible, in control.
But forgiveness humbles us. It reminds us that we’ve made mistakes too. That we’ve needed grace from others. It doesn’t excuse what was done to us—it simply says, “I choose not to carry this anymore.”
A man once forgave his business partner who had stolen from him. “I wanted revenge,” he said, “but it was eating me alive. Forgiveness didn’t mean I forgot. It meant I moved on.”
3. Hatred Gives Fast Relief. Forgiveness Brings Lasting Peace.
Hatred is like fast food—it satisfies quickly but leaves a mess behind. It gives us something to cling to when we’re drowning in emotion.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is slow-cooked peace. It doesn’t taste good right away. In fact, it can feel like a loss. But over time, it brings clarity, softness, and real healing.
Two sisters hadn’t spoken in years over a family inheritance. One finally picked up the phone. Not to argue, but to say, “I miss you.” It was awkward. Messy. But now? They’re back in each other’s lives. And their children know each other.
Hatred is easy because it demands nothing of us—no introspection, no growth, no humility. But it costs us everything: peace, connection, joy.
Forgiveness is hard because it demands everything. But in return, it gives us something hatred never can: healing.
If you’re holding on to something today, ask yourself: Is it really protecting you—or is it holding you back? Maybe it’s time to let go. Not for them, but for you.
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Dr. Alfred D'Silva 
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