The story of love starts between two hearts and many a times end in bitter battles in the courtroom. Many of these bitter separations could very easily be avoided. The pain and anguish, the bitterness and resentment. Mud slinging and exposing the bedroom secrets could be averted.
In reality the fights are common the seperation of two hearts is so normal that no one seems to care any longer. Even though it seems common the hurt and pain is not small. It’s a big cut that takes very long time to heal or might never heal.
When man and women come together for the first time it’s the greatest feeling they experience. The hi and hellos become long and lengthy conversations. The couple just can’t be seperated even for a brief period. They very quickly begin to miss eachother and crave to connect as soon as possible.
Then why do these love bird’s end up like worst enemies. Let’s know a little more why this happens.
Even as children boys and girls are very different. Boys play rough and physical games whereas girls play more of linguistic games and graceful coordination of the body games.
When the boys and girls grow up into men and women the differences also grow with them.
Even though they compliment each other and make life complete. The fact is that they are different. And these differences creates problems in understanding and communication.
Men like sports and competitive activities but refrain from talking about their personal life.
Whereas women like sharing and caring activites. They love sharing emotions feelings and information about their life.
These differences in perception, understanding, needs and wants and communication creates problems and misunderstanding.
They are so blind to the difference in perception that they don’t realise that there is a difference. Instead they indulge in blaming each other for their problems. Even if they are causually talking on some unrelated topic, somehow it steers into their life and it lands in a fight.
Even maintaining a conversation for a few minutes becomes difficult. To maintain peace after fighting several years the couple gets silent. They stop communicating and just live like two strangers. The relationship goes cold. There are no fights or expectations. They have learnt to adjust but there is no happiness or fulfilment in the marriage.
The misunderstandings due to the inability of either partners to truly understand the communication creates bitterness and resentment.
In reality both want to live happy together.
Understanding that there exists differences and working around them can create the most fulfilling life.
Family therapy combined with marriage counseling and individual counseling is extremely effective in solving marriage related issues.
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Dr. Alfred D'Silva 
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